I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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