i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
