i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
