Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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