She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
