Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
