Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
