then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
