My balls are so social today.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize