She is in my trunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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