after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
