At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
