I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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