I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
