R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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