Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
