The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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