I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
