i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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