i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize