im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize