I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
