Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
