I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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