Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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