if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
