he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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