Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
