oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
