You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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