you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
