Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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