Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
