how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
