is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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