he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
