The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
