found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
