Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize