I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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