so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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