Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
