I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
