I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
