I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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