saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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