just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
