u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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