i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
