Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize