I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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