she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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