i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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