last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
