Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sext me about skeletons
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
