Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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