White coat. Heels.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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