He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
