i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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