i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
