Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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