is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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