Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
