Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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