but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
