i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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