you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
