i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
