Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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