I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
