went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
