I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
