i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
