it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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