I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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