NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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