Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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