On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
