we have officially lost it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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